I can’t, but God can…

busy momI think any parent feels overwhelmed at times…there are so many demands placed on them in life. I’ve  met many single parents of special needs children and I think  for them, the  feeling of being overwhelmed can spring up quite often… especially if there isn’t a big support system in place to help give any kind of break.

It can be a bit overwhelming at times when you know, no one  is going to come to the rescue to help out with the things that need to get done. The “to do list” seems endless. There are never enough hours in the day. There is rarely adequate rest…and it doesn’t seem  there is much chance of things changing or getting easier any time soon. You start and end your day feeling like you didn’t get accomplished what you needed to do, so you feel perpetually behind…you feel like you’re doing your best and it just isn’t good enough!

There have been so many times where I’ve said, “Lord, I can’t, but you can”… it sounds like admitting defeat, to utter those words, but  I imagine to our Heavenly Father those words are music to His ears…He’s saying, “Oh, my child, you get it now…you are right where you need to be”.

His strength is perfected in weakness. He delights in showing what He can do in what seem like impossible situations. He loves to show us miracles in our lives, so we have no doubt that He is in control. Many people say, “God won’t give you more than you can handle.” But, that isn’t true…it  isn’t in the Bible…and the fact is, God will always give us more than we can handle…but it will never be more than HE can handle. He stretches us and grows us. HE, helps us handle everything that is put on our plate.

It’s comforting to know that there is nowhere we can go, that He is not there…He is there in our sorrow and fatigue. He is there on our stressful days…He is there when there is no money to pay the bills… He is there when we have the flu and  our kids have the flu and we can barely take care of ourselves, let alone our sick kids….He is there in the future seeing who is going to take care of our children when we are gone…He is there and sees every need…  sees every tear drop… hears every cry… He  hears us when we say “Lord, I don’t know how I can do this… He is there saying…”I know you can’t…but I can…trust me!”

Dear Lord, we just ask today that you would go before us. I pray for every weary parent. I pray that you will be our strength. Lord, life can be hard, but you are so good. You know our needs before we ask. You love us and our children. You want the best for us. Because you are sovereign, we know that everything that touches our lives must first pass through your hands. You don’t cause the hurt and the pain and the suffering, but you are there helping us through it. You are there taking what the enemy meant for harm and using it for our good. You are there giving us your super-natural strength and manifesting your power in our weakness. We give you our cares and worries and burdens. We give you our “to do list.”  We give you our fatigue. We give you everything in this day and we ask that you go before us, Lord. Please, make the rough roads smooth. Please, make a way where there seems to be no way. Be our source of strength, energy and love today. Shine through us Lord and be our light in the darkness. Help us find the joy in the day and  may we have thankful hearts for all the blessings we do have. In the name of Jesus we pray. Amen

Debbie Kay

Eternal Rewards

jesus and wheelchairs

This week, I was reading  from the book of John, chapter 9.  The chapter is about a man who was blind and Jesus healed him. In the 2nd verse, from the Amplified Version, the disciples asked Jesus this question “ Rabbi, who sinned: this man or his parents, causing him to be born blind?”  Jesus answered, “It was not that this man or his parents sinned, but he was born blind in order that the workings of God should be manifested (displayed and illustrated) in him.  I like The Message version of that same text. It reads… “Jesus said, “You’re asking the wrong question. You’re looking for someone to blame. There is no such cause-effect here. Look instead for what God can do.

This reminded me of a conversation I  had with the President of Joni and Friends, Doug Mazza. Doug’s son Ryan, has profound disabilities and because of those disabilities, Doug became involved with Joni and Friends. God has used Joni Eareckson Tada’s  ministry and her staff, to touch millions of  lives  around the world.  Doug shared something with me that brought me to tears…no one had ever said anything like it to me before, but I believe it is a truth that ties in with the scriptures that I shared above. I’d  like to share his words with you. I think it applies to all of our children with special needs.

jaf

Doug told me, that for every person that is touched because of my son’s life… for every person that finds encouragement and hope… for each person who is drawn closer to God through the sharing of  his story and experiences… all of those things are counted as eternal rewards for my child. God allowed my son’s disabilities and trials, so that Jesus could be displayed through our situation and circumstances. When we can be steadfast in our sufferings… when we can give God praise and glory and cling to our faith… when we can help others with resources, support or compassion, because of the things we’ve learned from our children’s disabilities…all of those things will be jewels in our children’s heavenly crowns. We may be the mouth pieces for our children, but they are the living illustrations that teach  unconditional love, grace, compassion and mercy.

eternal

Jesus knows first hand about suffering. We are told that those who share in His suffering, will also share in His glory. I have no doubt, that our children will share in that glory. I just want to encourage you today. God wastes nothing in our lives.  What the enemy meant for harm, God will use for good. There is always a purpose for the pain He allows to touch our lives. What doesn’t make sense this side of heaven, will all become clear one day. I can’t help but smile and be excited, when I think  of all that  awaits for our kids when they come face to face with Jesus one day.  Not only will they have newly restored bodies and minds, but  all they went through in this life, will  be celebrated, appreciated and rewarded. I don’t know about you, but that makes me eager to see, what God can do, as He manifests Himself through my child’s disabilities!

Here is a link to Ryan and Doug Mazza’s story and a message at the end of the video from Joni, who shares the same message that Doug shared with me. Click on Joni’s logo above to go to her website for many valuable resources.

http://www.joniandfriends.org/television/ryan-legacy-hope/

Blessings to you,

Debbie Kay

Don’t forget to vote for Not Alone in the About.com Readers Choice Awards. You can vote every day until the contest ends March 19th! Finalist

When Words Won’t Come

words won't comeAs I’ve prayed about what to write today, the phrase keeps coming to mind, “when words won’t come.” I have a feeling almost all who are  reading this, have  found yourselves many times at that place of weariness and sadness where you just don’t even know what words to pray. Your heart is so heavy and you try to pray, yet  tears are all that come…

My son and I have been at that place this week. It’s been a rough week. Sometimes the weight of  the things that we deal with,  sends everything crashing down around us and all we can do is hold each other while we cry… and  escape  into the arms of Jesus. We  look to Him to be our peace, comfort and strength. As a parent, we want to have all the answers for our children, but as you all know, there are so many things we can’t change, fix or make right. Sometimes we are powerless to help their suffering. My son wanted answers…he wanted things to be different…he wanted the hurt and pain to stop…and I could not help with any of those things.

I’ve been brought to this place many times… where my attempts at comfort seem so inadequate. My efforts are made so much more difficult, because of  the things that my son’s mind just won’t let him grasp.  When I find myself at this place, all I can do is seek  THE ONE, who says my son is fearfully and wonderfully made in His own image. I look to THE ONE, that loves my son more than I do. I find refuge in THE ONE, that understands everything that is in our heart’s. I know that He holds both of us in the palm of His hand and I don’t have to utter any words for Him to understand. He sees every tear and He collects them in a bottle and one day He is going to personally wipe those tears from our eyes for the very last time.

I’d like to offer a prayer for all of you who might find yourself  in that place where the words won’t come. Know that you are loved and cared for and your Heavenly Father sees, knows and understands your pain. You are not alone…

Dear Heavenly Father,

We pray for all that are hurting, sad, grieving or overwhelmed today. We ask that you would help us to feel your presence like never before. We pray that we would  feel your loving arms of comfort envelop us. We pray that we would feel your peace that passes all understanding. We ask Lord, that you would give us strength for all that lies ahead of us today. Please bless us with your wisdom and knowledge  so we can  face any challenge that arise. Give us your courage, Lord. Please remove all fear and doubt. We pray that you will bring people to stand beside us to help us carry our  burdens. We ask Lord, for your grace and mercy to fall upon us like much-needed rain on dry, parched ground. Lord, thank you, for your Holy Spirit that intercedes for us. We place our children and our lives into your hands and we thank you for your unfailing love.  We thank you for the hope we have in you and that one day there will be no more tears or sadness or illness or disability. Until that day, please help us to be the best parents we can be and may our children see you and your love in us. In the name of Jesus we pray, Amen.

Blessings to you all,

Debbie Kay

You’re Not Alone

parents

C.S. Lewis has a quote that I love…“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: “What! You too? I thought I was the only one.” I think most of us have felt alone in our circumstances at least once in lives.

I certainly felt  alone when my son received the diagnosis of Autism at the age of two and a half. My son Ryan, will be twenty in a few months and  the years have passed like the  blink of an eye.  When we became members of this club that no one ever asks to join, there were not as many children who had Autism as there are today.  At the time, I  didn’t know anyone that had it. Unfortunately, there are few who can say today that they do not know someone who has Autism. The number of children diagnosed with Autism has increased so dramatically in seventeen years. Much more is known today about Autism. There are many more resources available now and there is definitely a greater awareness about the disorder. The need for support for families dealing with Autism, however, has not changed through the years.

I have spoken with thousands of  parents who like me, found after a diagnosis that their inner circle not only changed, but became smaller.  Friends and family members distanced themselves because they didn’t understand how drastically our lives had been altered.  I found as so many do, that when one door closes,  God opens doors that you didn’t even know exist. Suddenly, you make connections and  find yourself  bonding with total strangers…other parents who “get it,” because they belong to the same club. Many of these friends we will never meet face to face this side of heaven. We may only know  them  from their written words on a computer screen, but they become valued friends and  life lines, none the less.

Through the years, as we’ve peeled away the layers to discover more problems and more official names for the things that  my son deals with, God has  allowed us to cross paths for every diagnosis, with people who have also faced  the same or similar issues. I have found through experience, that other parents in the special needs community, have been the greatest source for information,  support and encouragement. We help each other because we understand the  heartache, the fatigue, the red tape, the limitations, the life changes, the disappointments, being misunderstood and all the baggage that comes along with a diagnosis. We also appreciate the little milestones and accomplishments that so many others take for granted with typical children. We find ourselves, as it says in Romans 12:15, rejoicing with those who rejoice and weeping with those who weep. I think most of us with special needs kids, can relate to the saying, ” family isn’t always blood, it’s the people in your life who want you in theirs.”

We are told in 2 Corinthians 1:4, that God comforts us so that we can comfort others with the same comfort which we have received. It is hard to be a parent. The difficulty increases if you have a child with special needs and if you are a single parent on top of that, it’s harder still. I know there are many who are reading this, who also suffer with your own health problems on top of  everything else. I deal with the same issues and I want to offer support and encouragement and let you know that I understand the challenges that you face.

My son is the joy of my life. I never knew the depths of love my heart could hold until I had him…but our journey has  been difficult and challenging. Life  has become easier in so many aspects the older he has gotten… but with age, there are  new  issues to  face.  We have found with every heartache and every accomplishment, God has been our faithful companion. He never leaves us alone. He loves our children more than we do and He equips us for what He calls us to in this life. When things get rough, we might know these statements are true, but we don’t  always feel them in the midst of our difficulties… sometimes we just need someone to come stand beside us, give us a hug and remind us  that everything will be okay and we’re not alone in our struggles. God understands…I understand… this group understands. You are not alone.

Blessings to you,

Debbie Kay

http://not-alone.org/our-writing-team-2/debbie-kay/

Rest For The Weary

Today I want to speak to those that are weary. I know so many people who have continually over-flowing plates filled with the hard stuff in life….chronically ill family members they must care for, special needs children, financial burdens, loved ones that are floundering and needing help, their own health issues, grieving over the loss of loved ones, starting over after divorce, searching for jobs and coming up empty-handed. The list is seemingly endless of the burdens that people carry. Few and far between are the people I know that aren’t  dealing with multiple issues…and most have lived like this for an extended season in their lives. It’s physically and emotionally exhausting. I call it being battle weary.

exhausted firemen

Being under constant stress keeps the “fight/flight” response  constantly activated in the brain. After awhile, we don’t even remember what it’s like to live a life that isn’t constantly ”putting out fires,” or placing unrelenting demands upon us. When this goes on for indefinite periods of time due to a loved one with an illness or disability, it can be discouraging when there is no relief on the horizon. I’ve been in those shoes and I know you just go into survival mode at times.

In Max Lucado’s book “Facing Your Giants” He shares some scripture from the book of  1 Samuel. The story is  about  David and his six hundred soldiers. They return from the Philistine war front to find utter devastation in Ziklag. A raiding band of Amalekites had swept down on the village, looted it, and taken the women and children hostage. David and his soldiers are weary from the battle they have just returned from. The men are angry and blaming David that they weren’t there to protect the women and children. David turns their anger into a righteous rally of  pursuit to free their loved ones. Half way there,  at the Brook of Besor, two hundred men say they are too tired to go on. Max Lucado asks the question, “How tired does a person have to be to abandon the hunt for his own family?  The church has its quorum of such folks. Good people. Godly people. Only hours or years ago they marched with deep resolve. But now, fatigue consumes them. They’re exhausted. So beat-up and worn down that they can’t summon the strength to save their own flesh and blood. Old age has sucked their oxygen. Or maybe it was a deflating string of defeats. Divorce can leave you at the brook. Addiction can as well. Whatever the reason, the church has its share of people who just sit and rest.”

“The Church must decide what they’re going to do with people like David’s men. What did David do? He said to leave them. He took the rest of the men, they defeated the enemy, freed their loved ones and took the spoils of their victory. When it came time to split up the spoils, the four hundred didn’t want to share with the two hundred who were so tired they stayed behind.  Here was David’s response. “Don’t do that after what the Lord has given us. He has protected us and given us the enemy who attacked us. Who will listen to what you say? The share will be the same for the one who stayed with the supplies as for the one who went into battle. All will share alike.” (30:23–24 NCV)   “Note David’s words: they “stayed with the supplies,” as if this had been their job. They hadn’t asked to guard supplies; they wanted to rest. But David dignifies their decision to stay”. He showed compassion and mercy and honored the tired soldiers”.

Max goes on to say, “Someday, somebody will read what David did and name their church the Congregation at Brook Besor. Isn’t that what the church is intended to be? A place for soldiers to recover their strength? If you are listed among them, here is what you need to know: it’s okay to rest. Jesus is your David. He fights when you cannot. He goes where you cannot. He’s not angry if you sit. Did he not invite, “Come off by yourselves; let’s take a break and get a little rest” (Mark 6:31 MSG)?”

To the battle weary I say, hang in there. Do the best you can and leave the rest in God’s hands. Don’t worry about what others say, or if they judge you for what you don’t do. Unfortunately, there are still many, that if they haven’t walked in similar shoes, they have no wish to relate to what you’re going through. So, don’t let their judgement, based on ignorance, bring you down. Brush the dirt from your shoes, so to speak, and move on to the “truly important” things you have to deal with in your life. Jesus says in Matthew 11:28  ”come to me all who are weary and I will give you rest”. Recharge your battery at the feet of Jesus.  I’ll finish this up with some last words from Max Lucado. “ Are you strong?  Reserve passing judgment on the tired. Odds are, you’ll need to plop down yourself. And when you do, Brook Besor is a good story to know.”weary

Blessings to you,

Debbie Kay

Originally posted on 5/28/2010 on my blog,
hopeforthebrokenhearted.wordpress.com

http://not-alone.org/our-writing-team-2/debbie-kay/

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